Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
