Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize