I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
