i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
