I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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