can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
