dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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