so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
