thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
