that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
