i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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