the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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