well I can't set my house on fire every night
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
