Taylor Swift is so right about you.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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