I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
