dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
