Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
