Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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