Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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