My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
