I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
