My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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