I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
