last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize