It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
