Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
