i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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