i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
