u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
