he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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