I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
