He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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