it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
