Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
