oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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