If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
