Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
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