just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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