Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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