Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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