I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
