my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
