Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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