OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
