Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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