Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
