I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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