Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
