Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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