Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
