I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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