I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
