I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize