I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Randomize
