that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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