I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize