Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize