I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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