My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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