Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
