I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
