Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
