I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
