Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
