I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Do vagina's smell?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize