Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
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