i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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