You just made me feel so damn special
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
