My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
