$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Randomize